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Deep Listening - A Sacred Act
"To be heard is one of our most basic human rights. To listen is one of our most sacred acts."
--Kimberly Ridley, Editor, Hope Magazine
This spoke to me so deeply that I tore the editorial page from my Summer 2000 issue of the now defunct Hope Magazine and posted it in a prominent spot on my office bulletin board so that I may be reminded what a gift it is to truly and deeply listen to another person.
The author of this editorial piece was speaking primarily to the busyness of our lives. How we have gotten so busy we barely listen to others and even ourselves. We are becoming disconnected from people. We multi-task. We are distracted. Sometimes we think we know what someone is going to say and so we tune out, or we are thinking about what we are going to say when they stop talking and it is our turn. Maybe we read and respond to our email while on phone. I wanted to smack the mother at the computer next to me in the library who would not listen to her young son ask her at least 25 times repeatedly if he could go the children’s section. I wanted to tell her that if she didn’t start listening to him, he would stop communicating with her.
As a recent graduate from Coach U in March 2000, I was very conscious of active listening and all its nuances. The late Thomas Leonard, founder of Coach U, said: “It’s ONE THING to listen to a person attentively. This is nice and it’s polite. However, the art of actually hearing someone, understanding what they are saying, what they mean, what that means, and then responding to that borders on an advanced art form.”
Not everyone needs to be trained to listen as artfully as a truly good coach does, but the main lesson in listening well is as simple as this: Pay Attention! If face to face, turn your body towards the person and maintain eye contact. If appropriate, nod affirmatively or make an agreeable noise to let them know you are hearing them. Don’t interrupt or speak until it is clear they are finished. Ask clarifying questions.
Rebecca Z. Shafir, author of The Zen of Listening wrote “ When we access our natural ability to listen well, our relationships begin to flourish in all areas of life. We enjoy more success in our work, more intimacy with our loved ones, and newfound peace in the quiet center of our being.” I hear you Rebecca.
--Kimberly Ridley, Editor, Hope Magazine
This spoke to me so deeply that I tore the editorial page from my Summer 2000 issue of the now defunct Hope Magazine and posted it in a prominent spot on my office bulletin board so that I may be reminded what a gift it is to truly and deeply listen to another person.
The author of this editorial piece was speaking primarily to the busyness of our lives. How we have gotten so busy we barely listen to others and even ourselves. We are becoming disconnected from people. We multi-task. We are distracted. Sometimes we think we know what someone is going to say and so we tune out, or we are thinking about what we are going to say when they stop talking and it is our turn. Maybe we read and respond to our email while on phone. I wanted to smack the mother at the computer next to me in the library who would not listen to her young son ask her at least 25 times repeatedly if he could go the children’s section. I wanted to tell her that if she didn’t start listening to him, he would stop communicating with her.
As a recent graduate from Coach U in March 2000, I was very conscious of active listening and all its nuances. The late Thomas Leonard, founder of Coach U, said: “It’s ONE THING to listen to a person attentively. This is nice and it’s polite. However, the art of actually hearing someone, understanding what they are saying, what they mean, what that means, and then responding to that borders on an advanced art form.”
Not everyone needs to be trained to listen as artfully as a truly good coach does, but the main lesson in listening well is as simple as this: Pay Attention! If face to face, turn your body towards the person and maintain eye contact. If appropriate, nod affirmatively or make an agreeable noise to let them know you are hearing them. Don’t interrupt or speak until it is clear they are finished. Ask clarifying questions.
Rebecca Z. Shafir, author of The Zen of Listening wrote “ When we access our natural ability to listen well, our relationships begin to flourish in all areas of life. We enjoy more success in our work, more intimacy with our loved ones, and newfound peace in the quiet center of our being.” I hear you Rebecca.