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© Copyright 2006 Susan Henderson Coaching
360-265-2838
coach@susanhenderson.com
coach@susanhenderson.com
The Successful Dilettante
August 20, 2006 Issue 4
Editor: Susan Henderson, coach@susanhenderson.com
Visit our website at: http://www.susanhenderson.com
The Successful Dilettante, published on the 5th and 20th of each month, is sent only to those who have requested it - or was forwarded to you by someone you know. I value your privacy and never share my mailing list with anyone. If a copy has been forwarded to you by a friend or colleague and you wish to Subscribe, please visit my website at: http://www.susanhenderson.com/newsletter.html
=============================================================
Greetings!
A very warm welcome to both old and new subscribers. Thank you for sharing my ezine with your colleagues and friends. We are a growing community here. I appreciate you so much! Past issues of this ezine are archived on my website on the Newsletter page. I am continually adding new content and resources to my site including a bookstore. I invite you to stop by occasionally and see if there is anything interesting and helpful to you. Suggestions are sincerely appreciated.
============================================================
Listening
“To be heard is one of our most basic human rights. To listen is one of our most sacred acts.” ~ Kimberly Ridley, Editor, Hope Magazine
This spoke to me so deeply that I tore the editorial page from my Summer 2000 issue of the now defunct Hope Magazine and posted it in a prominent spot on my office bulletin board so that I may be reminded what a gift it is to truly and deeply listen to another person.
The author of this editorial piece was speaking primarily to the busyness of our lives. How we have gotten so busy we barely listen to others and even ourselves. We are becoming disconnected from people. We multitask. We are distracted. Sometimes we think we know what someone is going to say and so we tune out, or we are thinking about what we are going to say when they stop talking and it is our turn. Maybe we read and respond to our email while on phone. I wanted to smack the mother at the computer next to me in the library who would not listen to her young son ask her at least 25 times repeatedly if he could go the children’s section. I wanted to tell her that if she didn’t start listening to him, he would stop communicating with her.
As a recent graduate from Coach U in March 2000, I was very conscious of active listening and all its nuances. The late Thomas Leonard, founder of Coach U, said: “It’s ONE THING to listen to a person attentively. This is nice and it’s polite. However, the art of actually hearing someone, understanding what they are saying, what they mean, what that means, and then responding to that borders on an advanced art form.”
Not everyone needs to be trained to listen as artfully as a truly good coach does, but the main lesson in listening well is as simple as this: Pay Attention! If face to face, turn your body towards the person and maintain eye contact. If appropriate, nod affirmatively or make an agreeable noise to let them know you are hearing them. Don’t interrupt or speak until it is clear they are finished. Ask clarifying questions.
Rebecca Z. Shafir, author of The Zen of Listening says: “ When we access our natural ability to listen well, our relationships begin to flourish in all areas of life. We enjoy more success in our work, more intimacy with our loved ones, and newfound peace in the quiet center of our being.” I hear you Rebecca.
============================================================
Featured Guest: Margaret Lobenstine
I am honored to introduce today’s featured guest who is the author of The Renaissance Soul: Life Design For People With Too Many Passions
To Pick Just One. Margaret Lobenstine definitely practices what she preaches. Her current and past roles include: early-childhood educator, bed and breakfast owner, family business consultant, literacy specialist, career and life coach, activist, motivational speaker workshop leader and author. She is a true inspiration. When I discovered her work (and got my hands on an early draft of her book), it felt like coming home.
Q: How did you come to live the life you enjoy today?
Through very careful listening, both to myself and to others. Listening to myself was important because I was bombarded by so many messages telling me that the only way to be a respected, financially successful grown-up in this world was to pick one career ladder and stick with it from “cradle to grave.” To do anything else would practically guarantee my ending up a bag lady or a Bowery bum. In the same vein, if I had an interest/passion and pursued it for a time, but then left it behind for a new and different interest, that meant either my first choice had been a mistake or I was just a loser, a “dilettante, dabbler, Jack-of-all-trades, master of none.” Yet, despite these oft-repeated messages, something in me kept telling me over and over again that I wasn’t wired to do just one thing my whole life. In fact, once I figure out what I want to know about a certain subject or skill, I lose interest and move on to something else. Had I not listened to and honored that message, I would have ended up miserable, rather than thrilled to be a Renaissance Soul.
Q: What made you realize your were a Renaissance Soul?
Here’s where listening to others was pivotal. Because it was from listening really carefully to a certain segment of my coaching clients that I became intrigued by an underlying pattern that seemed to show up again and again. These clients preferred variety and combination to concentrating on just one thing. Their process involved widening their options rather than narrowing their choices. And they knew they’d outgrown a passion when they had it all figured out: “Been there, done that!” was often their mantra. All of which made great sense to me! What upset me, however, was how many of these clients had so sadly bought into the idea that people who knew “what they wanted to be when they grew up” were “normal” and they somehow were flawed. Had I not heard the confusion and pain in my clients that led me to the concept of Renaissance Souls, I might still be thinking I’d made a mess of my life, not a success.
Q: With a book published by a major N.Y. publishing house, how could you possibly have thought your life was a mess?
Why? Because I didn’t do the pick and stick routine well at all! I kept disappointing the people who lovingly said to me, “Oh Margaret, I just wish you could figure out whatever it is that you want to do and get to it!” Never happened. I went to college passionate about political science but that didn’t last. Then I was passionate about teaching reading, then about community organizing, then about non-fiction writing about current events, then about inn keeping, then about being a literacy teacher and trainer, then about setting up my own business to help people “get unstuck,” and last but not least, becoming passionate about life design for Renaissance Souls! Not to mention passions at different times for quilting, short-story writing, bluegrass music, photography, travel, political activism, crocheting afghans, economics, evolutionary development, current events… You get the picture.
Q: As a Renaissance Soul, how do you balance your multiple interests into a meaningful career?
Renaissance Souls can definitely find meaningful careers that incorporate many, if not all, of their interests. These people have what I call an “Umbrella Passion”: they happen to do something that the rest of the world sees as an “it” but really they are still pursuing many different things. Think freelance journalist—interviewing so many different people, writing about so many different things. Or elementary chool teacher—teaching all the subjects (in a variety of ways!) to a different group of students each year. Or documentary filmmaker—doing films on the Civil War, and Baseball, and Jazz, and Mark Twain and The Brooklyn Bridge…ala Ken Burns.
But there are other ways to design a life of many interests. Renaissance Souls can pursue their passions sequentially, totally focusing in on leading people on spiritual pilgrimages to sacred places while that is the passion and then totally leaving that behind to direct all their energy to watercolors, and then… Others Renaissance Souls need to pursue several of their passions simultaneously; with the proviso that one or more of any set of passions will be replaced by a passion that may not even have been recognized yet!
Q: So how do you manage your day? Do you make a plan?
Yes and no. Being a Renaissance Soul does not mean I need to run around all the time like a chicken with my head cut off. So, in that sense, yes I need and do have a plan. But no, this isn’t the kind of day planning that tells me I will get up at x time, and then do a and then do b, etc. and have a prioritized list, etc. As a Renaissance Soul, I need to match my activity to my energy pattern at any given time to be productive. So I need to block out times for working on my various passions, but I don’t need to decide ahead of time which passion will get my attention during this time. This can seem counter-intuitive and is too complicated to get into in a short interview, but it’s why “Time-Management Magic for Renaissance Souls” gets an entire chapter in the book!
If mentoring a Renaissance Soul, what would you encourage him or her to do?
Really listen to yourself. If you are wired like Mozart and want to play the piano all the time, don’t let people talk you into collecting for cancer and learning to play golf, and doing something practical “that will have people respecting your accomplish-ments.” And if you are wired like Ben Franklin, then know that you can and will be passionate about many different things over the years, and that is absolutely fine! Trying to put a square peg into a round hole is what causes frustration, stress, and lack of true success, not having multiple passions. Learn as much as you can about what makes your Renaissance Soul tick and remember, being a Renaissance Soul is a delicious fact about your personality, not a flaw!
Margaret Lobenstine can be reached at margloben@ToGetUnstuck.com For other coaches interested in coaching Renaissance Souls, she has created a nine CD set, COACHING THE RENAISSANCE SOUL: The Guide to Working With Clients Who Have “Too Many Interests” To Pick Just One. It’s available through the For Coaches section of her website: www.RenaissanceSouls.com
==============================================================
© 2006 Susan Henderson, All rights reserved.
August 20, 2006 Issue 4
Editor: Susan Henderson, coach@susanhenderson.com
Visit our website at: http://www.susanhenderson.com
The Successful Dilettante, published on the 5th and 20th of each month, is sent only to those who have requested it - or was forwarded to you by someone you know. I value your privacy and never share my mailing list with anyone. If a copy has been forwarded to you by a friend or colleague and you wish to Subscribe, please visit my website at: http://www.susanhenderson.com/newsletter.html
=============================================================
Greetings!
A very warm welcome to both old and new subscribers. Thank you for sharing my ezine with your colleagues and friends. We are a growing community here. I appreciate you so much! Past issues of this ezine are archived on my website on the Newsletter page. I am continually adding new content and resources to my site including a bookstore. I invite you to stop by occasionally and see if there is anything interesting and helpful to you. Suggestions are sincerely appreciated.
============================================================
Listening
“To be heard is one of our most basic human rights. To listen is one of our most sacred acts.” ~ Kimberly Ridley, Editor, Hope Magazine
This spoke to me so deeply that I tore the editorial page from my Summer 2000 issue of the now defunct Hope Magazine and posted it in a prominent spot on my office bulletin board so that I may be reminded what a gift it is to truly and deeply listen to another person.
The author of this editorial piece was speaking primarily to the busyness of our lives. How we have gotten so busy we barely listen to others and even ourselves. We are becoming disconnected from people. We multitask. We are distracted. Sometimes we think we know what someone is going to say and so we tune out, or we are thinking about what we are going to say when they stop talking and it is our turn. Maybe we read and respond to our email while on phone. I wanted to smack the mother at the computer next to me in the library who would not listen to her young son ask her at least 25 times repeatedly if he could go the children’s section. I wanted to tell her that if she didn’t start listening to him, he would stop communicating with her.
As a recent graduate from Coach U in March 2000, I was very conscious of active listening and all its nuances. The late Thomas Leonard, founder of Coach U, said: “It’s ONE THING to listen to a person attentively. This is nice and it’s polite. However, the art of actually hearing someone, understanding what they are saying, what they mean, what that means, and then responding to that borders on an advanced art form.”
Not everyone needs to be trained to listen as artfully as a truly good coach does, but the main lesson in listening well is as simple as this: Pay Attention! If face to face, turn your body towards the person and maintain eye contact. If appropriate, nod affirmatively or make an agreeable noise to let them know you are hearing them. Don’t interrupt or speak until it is clear they are finished. Ask clarifying questions.
Rebecca Z. Shafir, author of The Zen of Listening says: “ When we access our natural ability to listen well, our relationships begin to flourish in all areas of life. We enjoy more success in our work, more intimacy with our loved ones, and newfound peace in the quiet center of our being.” I hear you Rebecca.
============================================================
Featured Guest: Margaret Lobenstine
I am honored to introduce today’s featured guest who is the author of The Renaissance Soul: Life Design For People With Too Many Passions
To Pick Just One. Margaret Lobenstine definitely practices what she preaches. Her current and past roles include: early-childhood educator, bed and breakfast owner, family business consultant, literacy specialist, career and life coach, activist, motivational speaker workshop leader and author. She is a true inspiration. When I discovered her work (and got my hands on an early draft of her book), it felt like coming home.
Q: How did you come to live the life you enjoy today?
Through very careful listening, both to myself and to others. Listening to myself was important because I was bombarded by so many messages telling me that the only way to be a respected, financially successful grown-up in this world was to pick one career ladder and stick with it from “cradle to grave.” To do anything else would practically guarantee my ending up a bag lady or a Bowery bum. In the same vein, if I had an interest/passion and pursued it for a time, but then left it behind for a new and different interest, that meant either my first choice had been a mistake or I was just a loser, a “dilettante, dabbler, Jack-of-all-trades, master of none.” Yet, despite these oft-repeated messages, something in me kept telling me over and over again that I wasn’t wired to do just one thing my whole life. In fact, once I figure out what I want to know about a certain subject or skill, I lose interest and move on to something else. Had I not listened to and honored that message, I would have ended up miserable, rather than thrilled to be a Renaissance Soul.
Q: What made you realize your were a Renaissance Soul?
Here’s where listening to others was pivotal. Because it was from listening really carefully to a certain segment of my coaching clients that I became intrigued by an underlying pattern that seemed to show up again and again. These clients preferred variety and combination to concentrating on just one thing. Their process involved widening their options rather than narrowing their choices. And they knew they’d outgrown a passion when they had it all figured out: “Been there, done that!” was often their mantra. All of which made great sense to me! What upset me, however, was how many of these clients had so sadly bought into the idea that people who knew “what they wanted to be when they grew up” were “normal” and they somehow were flawed. Had I not heard the confusion and pain in my clients that led me to the concept of Renaissance Souls, I might still be thinking I’d made a mess of my life, not a success.
Q: With a book published by a major N.Y. publishing house, how could you possibly have thought your life was a mess?
Why? Because I didn’t do the pick and stick routine well at all! I kept disappointing the people who lovingly said to me, “Oh Margaret, I just wish you could figure out whatever it is that you want to do and get to it!” Never happened. I went to college passionate about political science but that didn’t last. Then I was passionate about teaching reading, then about community organizing, then about non-fiction writing about current events, then about inn keeping, then about being a literacy teacher and trainer, then about setting up my own business to help people “get unstuck,” and last but not least, becoming passionate about life design for Renaissance Souls! Not to mention passions at different times for quilting, short-story writing, bluegrass music, photography, travel, political activism, crocheting afghans, economics, evolutionary development, current events… You get the picture.
Q: As a Renaissance Soul, how do you balance your multiple interests into a meaningful career?
Renaissance Souls can definitely find meaningful careers that incorporate many, if not all, of their interests. These people have what I call an “Umbrella Passion”: they happen to do something that the rest of the world sees as an “it” but really they are still pursuing many different things. Think freelance journalist—interviewing so many different people, writing about so many different things. Or elementary chool teacher—teaching all the subjects (in a variety of ways!) to a different group of students each year. Or documentary filmmaker—doing films on the Civil War, and Baseball, and Jazz, and Mark Twain and The Brooklyn Bridge…ala Ken Burns.
But there are other ways to design a life of many interests. Renaissance Souls can pursue their passions sequentially, totally focusing in on leading people on spiritual pilgrimages to sacred places while that is the passion and then totally leaving that behind to direct all their energy to watercolors, and then… Others Renaissance Souls need to pursue several of their passions simultaneously; with the proviso that one or more of any set of passions will be replaced by a passion that may not even have been recognized yet!
Q: So how do you manage your day? Do you make a plan?
Yes and no. Being a Renaissance Soul does not mean I need to run around all the time like a chicken with my head cut off. So, in that sense, yes I need and do have a plan. But no, this isn’t the kind of day planning that tells me I will get up at x time, and then do a and then do b, etc. and have a prioritized list, etc. As a Renaissance Soul, I need to match my activity to my energy pattern at any given time to be productive. So I need to block out times for working on my various passions, but I don’t need to decide ahead of time which passion will get my attention during this time. This can seem counter-intuitive and is too complicated to get into in a short interview, but it’s why “Time-Management Magic for Renaissance Souls” gets an entire chapter in the book!
If mentoring a Renaissance Soul, what would you encourage him or her to do?
Really listen to yourself. If you are wired like Mozart and want to play the piano all the time, don’t let people talk you into collecting for cancer and learning to play golf, and doing something practical “that will have people respecting your accomplish-ments.” And if you are wired like Ben Franklin, then know that you can and will be passionate about many different things over the years, and that is absolutely fine! Trying to put a square peg into a round hole is what causes frustration, stress, and lack of true success, not having multiple passions. Learn as much as you can about what makes your Renaissance Soul tick and remember, being a Renaissance Soul is a delicious fact about your personality, not a flaw!
Margaret Lobenstine can be reached at margloben@ToGetUnstuck.com For other coaches interested in coaching Renaissance Souls, she has created a nine CD set, COACHING THE RENAISSANCE SOUL: The Guide to Working With Clients Who Have “Too Many Interests” To Pick Just One. It’s available through the For Coaches section of her website: www.RenaissanceSouls.com
==============================================================
© 2006 Susan Henderson, All rights reserved.
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